Have you ever wondered why sticking it out in your job is so hard? Does it feel like work is a perpetual soul-suck (e.g., annoying bosses, being passed over for a promotion, having more work dumped on you without a pay raise, or the dreaded performance review)?
If walking into work feels soul-crushing, you’re not alone. Job dissatisfaction and career challenges are a normal part of life. But if you’re always looking for greener pastures, you might be missing something important.
Beneath chronic job hopping, there could be unresolved trauma lurking in the shadows. Now, you might be thinking, I don’t have any trauma, which could be true. But if you’re constantly finding work disappointing and stressful, you may want to read on.
Let’s unpack this for a moment. Have you experienced any of the following?
- A parent/caregiver with an addiction or alcoholism?
- A parent/caregiver with mental illness or chronic physical illness?
- Divorce or disruption of your family growing up?
- A parent/caregiver with a personality disorder (e.g., Narcissistic, Borderline)?
- Socioeconomic challenges (e.g., poverty, housing instability, constant moving)?
- Domestic violence, unsafe neighborhood, verbal/emotional abuse, or neglect?
- Experiences of racism, sexism, homophobia, or other hate directed at you?
Or perhaps:
- Were there inconsistent or conflicting parenting styles in your home?
- Was a parent overly controlling or dismissive of your feelings?
- Did you grow up with the pressure to achieve/succeed to be seen or earn love?
- Were you constantly compared to siblings or pressured to succeed as a first- or second-generation American?
If you answered yes to any of these, you could be dealing with chronic PTSD and/or unresolved trauma.
When we hear the word trauma, we often think of extreme events—war, natural disasters, physical violence—all of which are undoubtedly traumatic. But trauma exists on a spectrum. Attachment trauma, relational trauma, and developmental trauma all deal with more subtle yet profound emotional wounds that occur when our emotional needs for safety, connection, and support aren’t consistently met.
These traumas may not leave physical scars, but they deeply affect one’s sense of self, trust in others, and ability to form healthy relationships. Left unresolved, this trauma lingers in the background of our psyche, impacting us daily.
Chronic PTSD and the Body
Chronic unresolved PTSD and trauma significantly affect both the body and brain, leading to prolonged nervous system dysregulation and harmful chemical imbalances. Here’s how:
1. Chronic Activation of the Fight-or-Flight Response (Sympathetic Nervous System)
- Neurological Impact: PTSD keeps the brain in hyperarousal, with the amygdala (the brain’s fear center) becoming overactive, while the prefrontal cortex (responsible for rational thought and emotion regulation) becomes less active.
- Chemicals Involved:
- Cortisol becomes dysregulated, potentially remaining high or depleting due to adrenal exhaustion.
- Adrenaline/Noradrenaline keeps the body in a heightened state, resulting in anxiety, hypervigilance, insomnia, and exaggerated startle responses.
2. Damage to the Hippocampus (Memory and Emotion Regulation)
- Chronic stress causes shrinkage in the hippocampus, leading to memory problems, flashbacks, and difficulty distinguishing past trauma from present safety.
3. Parasympathetic Nervous System Dysregulation
- The “rest and digest” system underperforms, preventing relaxation and recovery.
4. Long-term health Impacts include immune suppression, inflammation, and sleep disruption.
So, What Does This Have to Do with Job Dissatisfaction?
Great question! The connection lies in two key factors: nervous system dysregulation and projection.
When our nervous system is constantly dysregulated, it impacts every facet of our lives, including work. Normal work stressors (feedback, difficult clients, or workload) can feel unbearable, triggering panic or overwhelming emotions.
Now, am I dismissing the idea that you could have a toxic boss? No.
Am I saying a heavy workload and pressure to perform aren’t stressful? Nope.
Am I ignoring the fact that you may feel underutilized or unfulfilled? Absolutely not.
However, the things I just named are not unique. The things I named are all very normal experiences that we humans have in our 40-50+ year careers.
As we navigate the work world and try out new things, build new skills, and grow personally and professionally, we will inevitably experience failure, discomfort, and conflict.
But what happens when we’re chronically dysregulated due to unresolved trauma is that these experiences don’t register as everyday occurrences. They become high alert, house on fire, burning from the inside, problems that feel unbearable.
As an adaptation, we begin to project all of these negative feelings onto our work environment, fantasizing about a new job that will solve all of our problems.
If only my boss could recognize my talents. If only I didn’t have to deal with this horrible co-worker, if only my work were more meaningful…INSERT NEW JOB HERE.
I’m describing “chronic dissatisfaction” or “the grass is always greener” syndrome. This mindset often involves romanticizing or idealizing other places or situations and believing that happiness or fulfillment lies somewhere other than where you currently are. It can result in restlessness, frequent job changes, and dissatisfaction with your current circumstances.
In reality, chronic dissatisfaction often comes from unresolved internal issues. Here are some tips to stop the cycle:
Why Do You Feel This Way?
1. Unresolved Internal Issues: Dissatisfaction with external circumstances often stems from unresolved emotional or psychological needs. You may be seeking change in your environment to address internal discomfort or dissatisfaction, but since the root issue isn’t job-based, switching jobs doesn’t resolve it.
2. Idealization of “Elsewhere”: It’s easy to idealize a new job or a new company. You may focus on the positive aspects of a potential new job while minimizing or ignoring the potential negatives. This pattern often creates a perpetual cycle of seeking external solutions to internal dissatisfaction.
3. Fear of Commitment: Staying in one place or situation may evoke feelings of commitment or permanence, which can sometimes trigger anxiety about missing out on something better elsewhere. This “fear of missing out” (FOMO) can make it hard to feel settled or satisfied.
4. Difficulty Coping with Challenges: When life at a certain job presents challenges, thinking that a change will offer relief can be tempting. However, running from these problems often doesn’t solve the underlying issues, leading to dissatisfaction no matter where you are.
5. Attachment and Trauma: Past experiences, such as childhood instability or attachment issues, could contribute to this pattern. If you’ve experienced instability or trauma, you might unconsciously feel like you don’t belong anywhere, leading you to seek a new place to feel secure or happy.
How to Stop the Cycle:
Practice Self-Compassion & Acceptance: Tara Brach says, “When we are caught in self-judgment, we forget the truth of who we are – our wholeness, awareness and love.” Self-compassion invites us to drop blame, shame, judgment, and criticism and encourages us to embrace and accept ourselves as we are in this very moment.
Examine Internal Issues: Consider seeking therapy or engaging in self-reflection to explore any underlying emotional needs that drive your desire for constant change. Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help you understand the root causes of your dissatisfaction, allowing you to work through unmet needs and break the cycle of searching for external fulfillment.
Practice Forgiveness: Part of healing involves practicing forgiveness, both for yourself and for those who may have contributed to your feelings of restlessness or dissatisfaction. Forgiving yourself for mistakes or perceived failures is essential to releasing past regrets and moving forward. Additionally, working to forgive others can help you let go of any lingering resentments or pain, creating emotional space for growth and contentment in the present.
Cultivate Gratitude: Identify aspects of your life that bring you joy or fulfillment. Practicing gratitude can shift your focus from what you feel is lacking to what is already abundant in your life. To deepen this practice, try writing down ten things you’re grateful for in the morning and ten more at night, whether they relate to your surroundings, relationships, or personal growth.
Focus on Building Stability: Rather than seeking external changes for happiness, focus on creating stability in your current life. Strengthen your routines, deepen relationships, and invest in self-care and hobbies. Establishing emotional and practical stability will help reduce the urge to escape to a new environment in pursuit of happiness.
Embrace Imperfection: Accept that no life situation will ever be perfect, and every environment or relationship will have its challenges. Acknowledging imperfection as a normal part of life allows you to let go of the idea that moving or changing circumstances will resolve deeper issues. This acceptance can bring peace to where you are now.
Set Boundaries with Your Thoughts: When you start to idealize other places or situations, pause and reflect. Challenge whether you are seeing the full picture or romanticizing a future scenario. Write down the pros and cons of both your current and imagined situations, and then objectively compare them. This exercise can help ground you in reality and reduce impulsive decisions.
Practice Self-Care: Prioritizing self-care allows you to meet your emotional, physical, and mental needs in a healthy way, reducing the urge to seek external validation or fulfillment. Regular self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, journaling, or engaging in hobbies, promote emotional resilience and help you cultivate a sense of peace and contentment where you are.
Conclusion:
Job hopping is often a symptom of something deeper that is unresolved and unaddressed inside us. As a result, we adapt by projecting our negative emotions and feelings of chronic dissatisfaction outwardly onto our work environments while the real pain goes unresolved. We then create a fantasy that the solution to our problems is outside us.
Instead, we can look at this pattern of seeking “somewhere better” as an invitation to look inward. Allowing self-compassion to guide us, we can begin by tracking triggers at work and asking ourselves, “What does this experience remind me of?” And, “When have I felt this way before?” Often, exploring the first time you ever felt inferior will help you begin to unpack your reactions at work.
Triggers often sit on top of old wounds whose origins are buried deep inside us and originate at a very young age. Healing these places inside of us can lead to greater peace and resilience.
Final Thoughts:
Chronic job dissatisfaction is a complex issue with many facets. It can be difficult to know why you feel this way. Hopping to a new job may bring temporary relief, but it’s often an internal shift—rather than an external one—that leads to lasting fulfillment. By becoming more aware of your emotional needs and practicing self-compassion, presence, gratitude, and forgiveness, you can begin to feel more content where you are.
